Pax Anima (Peace of Soul)

PAX ANIMA
(Peace of Soul)

Chapter I

Of the nature of our heart, and how it may be governed.

You are to understand that God hath given you a noble heart, created only to love him, to unite and, as it were, to melt and incorporate itself into him. By love you may bring it to do whatsoever you please; and as on the one side, being enamoured of virtue, the hardest things become easy and pleasant to you, so on the other, if by your own strength, without love, you attempt anything, be it ever so little, you shall find it not only difficult but altogether impossible. First, therefore, establish firmly the bent and inclination of your heart, that whatsoever you do externally may have its root and principle in the interior; for though penance and austerities are commendable, used with discretion according to every one’s necessity and condition, yet shall you never thereby arrive at true virtue if they are not founded on and regulated by the interior, but rather grasp at vanity and the empty shadow of glory. A continual warfare is the life of man upon earth (Job vii 1), saith holy Job, and, in order to the good success thereof, you must always stand upon your guard and watch; which watching consists in subduing, pacifying, and quieting all the movements of the soul, so that whatsoever tempest of passion or breath of sensuality begins to arise, you immediately calm it before it hath produced any disorder there. Be sure you do this upon every the least disturbance either in or out of prayer, and then shall you know how to pray as you ought when you have thus learned to act and discharge the duty of your station. And this must be done, not with force, but with sweetness, since nothing is more opposite to peace of spirit than violence.

CHAPTER II

Of the care the soul must take to pacify itself

Place, then, above and before all things, this peaceful watch upon your senses, and without any violence, yea, on the contrary, with much serenity and security, and it will carry you on to great achievements. With this peace, sent by God, you will be able to watch, pray, obey, and suffer all injuries without difficulty or the least repining; and though, till you arrive at this, for want of experience, you may encounter hardships enough, yet shall your soul find much consolation withal, and every day gain new advantages and acquire new skill to make a better defense in the future. If at any time you are in more than ordinary distress, so that this peace seems to have fled from you, have immediate recourse to prayer, and persevere there in imitation of Christ our Redeemer, who to give us an example prayed thrice in the garden to his Eternal Father, that we might not go about seeking any other remedy, or cease making use of this one till we find our wills entirely pacified and conformed to the will of God. And if the temptation or disorder found you employed in corporal exercise, be not too eager to persist or strive too much to finish the same in a set time, but proceed calmly and moderately, reflecting that it is your principle affair to have God always with great tranquillity before your eyes, with little regard to give content to any but him. And if any other consideration mingle and insinuate itself, you shall soon perceive the storm and disquiet it will raise in your soul; and by thus rising and falling you will come clearly to discover that all our misery is from self-love, whilst we covet to have all things our own way and discompose ourselves when we fail therein.

CHAPTER III

How by little and little we are to build this habitation of peace

Have a care never to permit your heart to become sad, concerned, or solicitous for whatsoever happens; but let your whole endeavor be to keep and preserve this peace, since our Lord tells us, Blessed are the peaceful. (Matt. v 9) Thus doing, he will come and build himself a City of Peace in your soul, a house of delights. He requires no more on your part but that as often as your senses mutiny you hasten to repress and quiet them, still all your powers, movements, thoughts, and actions. But as a city is not built in one day, so neither in one day ought you to pretend to this internal peace, it being no less than to build a house for God and a temple for his Holy Spirit, although, indeed, he be the principle Architect, and without him all your labour were in vain. Now the corner-stone and chief foundation stone of this structure is Humility.

CHAPTER IV

To purchase this peace the soul must renounce all other comforts

That this important foundation of humility may be solidly and durably laid, you must endeavor to embrace with open arms and sisterly affection all tribulations, desiring to be condemned and vilified by all the world, and to have no comforter but only God. The judgement and maxim which must take firm root and absolute possession of your soul is this: That God alone is all your joy and welfare; all things else to you no other than thorns and briers. Accustom your soul to entertain itself with God. Think, if you were being borne along to receive some affront or confusion, with what content and alacrity you would go suffering with joy in his presence and for his love, valuing and seeking no other honour whatsoever, but to suffer for him and his glory. When any reprehension, injury, or contempt befalls you, cherish it as a hidden and an unknown treasure, as a purifying expiation for all your former transgressions. Desire not in this life the affection or esteem of any creature. Let nobody make any account of you, or so much as take notice that there is such a person in existence as yourself, but as the greatest of kindnesses leave you to suffer with Christ crucified. And above all, defend yourself against your self as against the worst of enemies; never follow your own will, judgement, or inclination, unless you willfully seek your own ruin; and when your affection or inclination leads you to anything, though it be ever so holy, represent it purely, with profound humility, in the sight of God, beseeching him to bring to pass his own holy will in it as he sees good, and this with sincerity and with fervor of heart, without any mixture of self-love, knowing that of yourself you are nothing, have nothing, nor can secure yourself against those desires and judgements which have the appearance of sanctity, peace, and indiscreet zeal, of which our Lord saith: Beware of false prophets, which come to you in the clothing of sheep, but are in reality ravening wolves; by their fruits shall you know them. (Matt. vii 15) The fruit of such temptation is to leave in the soul disquiet and dissatisfaction. Whatsoever withdraws from humility, from internal peace and tranquility, be the pretext never so specious, is a false prophet and a ravenous wolf, which, under the cover of the sheep’s skin, comes to deprive you of the virtues most essential to your advancement, and in a moment devour what with much time and industry you have amassed. By how much more appearance of sanctity the thing hath, so much the more strictly doth it require to be examined, but still without violation of your interior peace and tranquility, as hath been said. And if at any time you fail in these directions, trouble not, but rather humble yourself before our Lord, acknowledging your own weakness, and take heed for the future; perhaps it was permitted to abase and quell some secret pride which you were not aware of. And if, moreover, the sparks of extinct vices or concupiscences revive now and then and threaten your soul, be not dismayed, but redouble your watch, and gently withdraw your spirits and settle them in peace, neither afflicting yourself, nor rejoicing, nor growing angry, but preserving your soul pure and calm for the operation of God, whom you will certainly find within your own breast, and be by him convinced that the divine aim is always at your good and profit, though you have never so much difficulty to apprehend it in the aforesaid cases.

CHAPTER V

How the soul is to keep itself solitary, that God may work in it.

You cannot make too much account of your soul, where God resides and delights himself. Set so high a value upon it as to disdain and scorn to permit anything else to enter in and defile it. Let your whole expectation and longing be fixed in the coming of your Lord, who desires to find in it this free and happy disposition, without any other thought, any other wish, any other ill or tendency. Seek not out of your own head, without the advice of your spiritual Father, crosses which you may pretend to suffer for God; but let God dispose of you to suffer for his sake what and how he pleases. Do not you do what you have a mind to, but let God do in you what he hath a mind to. Let you will on all sides be at free liberty, your affections perfectly disengaged; wish no one thing more than another; but if you needs must, let it be in such a manner that if not it, but the contrary were to happen, you would receive no trouble but equal satisfaction. True liberty is in this; to adhere to nothing, to have no dependence, no bias. God works not his wonders but in a thus solitary and disinterested soul. Happy solitude where the walls of Jerusalem are built up! Desert of pleasure, banishment above all fruition of friends and country, where God himself is so securely enjoyed. Take nothing with you for this journey; put off your shoes, for it is a holy land; salute nobody in the way; leave the dead to bury the dead. To the land of the living you are traveling, let nothing mortal bear you company.

CHAPTER VI

Of the discretion to be used in the love of our neighbor, that it may not prejudice this peace.

Experience will inform you that this is the ready way to eternity, for immediately charity – and that is the love of God and of your neighbor – will pour itself into your soul. Christ assures us, he came to send fire into the world, and desires no other but that it burn (Luke xii 49). But though the love of God hath no limit, yet that towards our neighbor hath a limit, and must not exceed its bounds, lest to edify others we destroy ourselves. Never do any action merely for example’s sake, for instead of uncertain gain to them, you will bring undoubted loss upon yourself. Do all things with simplicity and purity, with no other design than to render yourself acceptable to God. Humble yourself in all your works, and you shall come to understand how little you can profit anyone by them of yourself. Consider that zeal for souls cannot justify or recompense the loss of your own peace. Have a longing desire that all may comprehend this truth which you have attained, and inebriate themselves with this precious wine which God so freely promises to all gratis. This thirst for your neighbor’s good is commendable indeed, since you have received it from the hand of our Lord, not acquired it by your own solicitude or indiscreet zeal. God must plant it in your heart and reap it when he pleases. Do not you presume to till or sow, but keep the field of your soul free and well weeded, and let God sow it in his good season. He desires to find your soul stripped and disengaged, that he may engage, unite, and firmly bind it to himself. Let him make choice of you for his workman; sit down and with a holy idleness and disengaged mind, expect till he hire you. Abandon all solicitude, and steer your course alone and unencumbered, that God may clothe you with himself, who will give you what it cannot enter into your thought to desire, if forgetting yourself your soul live only to his love. Thus it will come to pass that with all diligence, or, to speak more properly, without any diligence at all on your part, which may in the least discompose your quiet, you will be able to calm and pacify all your transports and fervors with much moderation, God preserving in you all peace and tranquility. Thus, to be silent is to pierce heaven with your cries; thus, to be idle is the happiest and most gainful of businesses, uniting the soul with God, and disuniting it from all other objects. And this must pass without your thinking that you on your part do anything excepting through his grace, where God must do all; who desires nothing from you in this silent pasture but that you humble yourself before him and offer him a heart disengaged from all terrestrial propensities, with longing desire that the divine will may be perfectly accomplished in you.

CHAPTER VII

How the soul should come before God stripped of self-will.

Thus, then, should you go forward on your way, and advance in all humility, step by step. Place your confidence in our Lord, who calls you, saying, Come to me, all you that labour and are burdened, and I will refresh you; and again, To him that thirsteth, I will give of the water of life freely .

This movement and vocation heavenwards you should follow always, waiting for the time when the Holy Spirit will fill you with his inspirations. As you follow this attraction of grace you will find yourself caught up and plunged into the flowing stream of his mercy, which will bear you onwards toward the sea of divine goodness. Gather up now, to your best, all the inward and outward powers of your soul, and apply yourself solely to seek for all that can contribute to the praise and the love of his name. Still, let this be done in simple fashion and without disturbing your heart, otherwise it would be enough to make it hard, stiff, and self-opinionated, and the roughness would serve to trouble its quiet, and even, for a long time, to banish it altogether.

Follow my advice. Accustom yourself – yet again do I repeat this to you – accustom yourself to dwell actually, or, at least, by affection and desire, in the contemplation of the goodness of God and the kind favour which at every hour he is, in his love, bestowing upon you. Receive with all humility the benefits he thus grants you.

This also is my counsel to you: strain not after tears; strive not for sentiments of devotion, do not force your heart. Rest rather in interior solitude. Dwell therein quietly, waiting till God’s will be accomplished in you. When it shall please him to send you tears, oh, how sweet will those tears be, for it is not your impatience that has secured them: they are the fruits of humility and of peace. On your part, then, you must receive them with deepest self-effacement, allowing God to work in you. Note well, that if ever you fancy this desire or the securing of these affections to be in any measure due to your self, you will infallibly expose yourself to the losing of them.

See whereby I began and wherewith I would finish; see here the key, and the secret of all this business. You must know how to renounce yourself and, with Mary, sit quietly near Christ, listening in peace to all our Lord will say to you, without being worried, as Martha was, who typifies your body. Take care lest your enemies – and the most dangerous is yourself – make you stir out from this blessed silence.

Be assured also of this, that when, on the wings of thought and desire, you long to mount straight upwards to God and to rest in him, you should set no terms nor limit to your vision of him, fashioning him to your imagination according to the semblance of earthly things; rather as incomparable immensity should you represent him to yourself, a power without limit, an entity without bounds, an infinite being, wonder unfathomable. Such, the subject of your contemplation, or rather, of your admiration.

And yet everywhere will you find him in his fullness; even in your own soul, when you enter therein to seek him, for his delights are to be with the children of men. Not that he has need of us, but he would make us worthy of his love.

Such the truths your intellect should probe, and in which your will, as I have said, should peacefully dwell.

Do not fix absolutely the number or the length or your prayers, nor indeed, of any other of your devotions. Bind not yourself down to do, to pray, or to read so much, neither more nor less. Keep your heart free. Wherever it shall win repose, let it rest there and rejoice in the secret sweetnesses it shall please our Lord to grant. And if, by reason of some hindrance, you must give up all you determined on, be not worried thereat; brook no regrets. The end of your spiritual exercises is to relish our Lord, to clasp him and to rejoice in his presence. This won, the means that led thereto must be left; there is no more that they can do.

Nothing is so opposed to true peace as anxiety to achieve an enterprise one is bent on bringing to a conclusion. When the intention is set on the necessary accomplishment of this or that, God can no longer dispose of us freely nor lead us along the pathway of his choice. What is this, in reality, but to force him to accommodate himself to our fantasy? It is to prefer our will to his, to wish to please him on one side, and to disobey him on the other; in a word, to seek him whilst flying from him.

If you wish, in all sincerity, to advance along this way and reach the goal you have proposed to yourself, have no other intention and no other desire than that of seeking God. Wherever you meet him and he shows himself to you, quit there all the rest, and advance no further till he allows you.

You should have the firm conviction that nothing in all the world is a worthy object of your thought and study, except only rest in our Lord.

If be the pleasure of the supreme Majesty to withdraw himself from you at times, then it is that you may begin again to seek him by continuing your practices of devotion. Continue them always with the same intention and desire of finding your Beloved again; and when you have the happiness to find him once more, leave every other occupation to enjoy God at your ease, for your desire is won.

Great attention should be given to all these counsels. Many devout persons go wholly astray and become exhausted; they lose often much profit and calm, because they have bound themselves down to leave nothing they have begun. Perfection, in their eyes, is found in finishing things. And what do they find at the end? Nothing, except that they are determined to be the mistresses and owners of their wills. Poor, foolish creatures, who give themselves such labour to no purpose, and who, like artisans and laborers, are always in a heat of perspiration, without ever winning that true interior peace in which alone our Lord is pleased to dwell.

CHAPTER VIII

Of the faith one should have in the most holy sacrament, and how one should offer oneself to our Lord.

Work day by day at building up in your soul the faith you ought to have towards the Most Holy Sacrament, and never cease to admire this incomprehensible mystery. Rejoice at seeing how God gives himself to you under the appearances of bread and wine, to make you more worthy. Blessed are they that have not seen and have believed. Let not your curiosity lead you to desire him to show himself to you in any other way than that which he does through these veiling accidents. Draw near to him, not that his Majesty may convert himself into you, but that he may change you into himself. Strive to enkindle your will towards him that he may inflame you with his love and teach you his most holy will.

Each time that you offer yourself as a sacrifice to God, you ought to be ready and disposed to suffer, for love of him, whatever pain or insults may come to you. Offer yourself to bear every infirmity and every sickness, every desolation and every kind of spiritual dryness, whether in your prayers or at any other time, and say that you will receive them all as good things and pleasing.

See to it always, however, that you are not the cause of such, especially today. All I mean to say is that you must welcome these aridities and little inconveniences, and regard them as sisters. Your whole consolation should be to suffer with the Beloved and for love of him.

For the rest, tolerate no inconstancy. When you have once made a good beginning, persevere in your good resolutions. By their aid – I tell you confidently – the more you apply yourself to persevere in the sweetness of this peace, the more of desire and eagerness will you have of going to the very end; and persevere to the end and arrive, you certainly will. Outside this quiet you will no longer be able to live. One hour of disquiet will be for you an insupportable torment.

Chapter IX

That the soul is not to seek after regalos or any sensible delights, but only God.

You must always incline to choose the suffering side and rejoice to be with those who care for you least and keep you most in subjection. In fine, everything must be a motive to you to direct you to God without trifling away time by the way. When all things else grow bitter and distasteful and God alone is your delight, then shall you possess true comfort. Address all your miseries to our dear Lord, who is the mediator between God and man. Love him, open to him your heart, and communicate to him all its secrets without the least fear or reserve. He will satisfy all your doubts, his paternal and tender care will raise you whensoever you fall; he will absolve and communicate you spiritually, being as he is the Eternal Priest. When your confessor casts you off, and refuses to administer to you the sacraments as often as you beg leave to frequent them, go with a pious confidence and thirst to this dear and dread Lord, who, though he gave the keys of this treasure to Saint Peter, still did not deprive himself of them. As often as you thus approach him, he will give you a true jubilee or plenary indulgence; nay, loving him, you are become already superintendent and master of all his goods. Offer yourself, then, a sacrifice to God in perfect repose and peace of spirit; and, that you may courageously travel on this road without fainting, enlarge your heart at every step, knowing that the greater vessel you carry the more you may receive, and dispose your will to acquiesce in that which you find to be God’s, not barely purposing or resolving, but working and cooperating withal, lest if befall you as it did Saint Peter, who resolutely protested he would die with Christ, but soon denied him. Why? because he made the said determination of his own strength, finding in himself a desire and will, which though good, as in this case, yet becomes often dangerous and the cause of great ruin when one’s will presumes to think or wish anything purely of its own strength without the divine assistance. For your part, never want a good will, but withal, never will or love any one thing more than another; loosen on every side the strings, as I may say, of your heart, having no other aim, every moment, but to render yourself acceptable to God, as hath been said, and must be often repeated. And whatsoever you are doing, never conclude or make any determination for the next moment, but preserve your liberty entire. Yet this is not to be taken as forbidding a discreet solicitude concerning what is of necessity for each one’s state or condition, for that being according to the order of God, hindereth not the peace and true spiritual progress we are striving to advance. In every circumstance resolve and execute immediately what you have resolved with regard to what concerns the interior; and of the exterior be not at all solicitous. That which, in this instance at least, may be done is to offer your will to God; more neither seek nor pretend to; look upon yourself as a cripple, conscious of your own impotence, and you will find cause always to rejoice that, at least for one moment, you are in perfect liberty, ay! a liberty which you may no less obtain at all times. In this spiritual liberty consists the sum of your perfection, and as long as it continues, and no longer, shall you enjoy a divine and ravishing servitude.

CHAPTER X

That the soul must not be dejected, though it experience repugnance and obstacles in itself against this peace.

But you must expect to find yourself often disturbed and deprived of this happy solitude and perfect liberty, and the little whirlwinds of your own passions will raise up the dust of distractions and disorder, against which our Lord will provide and send down heavenly dews, not only to allay and suppress the said dust, but moreover, to cause the dry and barren earth of your heart to fructify and produce new and odoriferous flowers, which may render you every day more agreeable to God than any other soul. From this intercourse and, as it were, continual battle, the saints of God reaped their crowns and victories. Whatsoever difficulty assaults you , say no more than –

"Lord, behold here thy servant, be thy will fulfilled in me; I know, my Lord, thy truth cannot fail for ever, and in it is all my confidence; here I am, do what thou wilt with me; I am thine, nor hath any other any share or interest in me."

Blessed is that soul that thus shall offer itself a victim to God as often soever as it begins to be disquieted! But if you shall not be able to recollect yourself so soon in the encounter, and to conform your will to Almighty God as you desire, be not disheartened; it is a cross which Christ bids you take up, and follow him, who, for your example, bore it first. Whilst in the Garden, his humanity, refusing and loath to undergo the sufferings at hand, cried out, Father, if it be possible, let this chalice pass from me (Matt xxvii 39). But then, immediately returning to put his soul in its accustomed solitude, as having his will free, disinterested, and wholly disengaged, he adds, with profound humility, Thy will, not mine, be done. (Matt. xxvii 39) Thus you must imitate our great pattern Christ, who gave himself wholly an example for us. Lose no courage when you perceive that oft you would be glad to avoid the combat. Persevere in humility and prayer, till you have lost your own will and obtained a full desire that the will of God may take place and be performed in you. Fight manfully to the end, that nothing but God alone may harbour in your soul, though for never so short a time. Conceive not the least gall or bitterness in anything, but pass over without regard the malice and evil attempts of others as a child in simplicity, without the least resentment or repining.

CHAPTER XI

Of the industry the devil uses to hinder this peace, and the countercare we must have to prevent his ambushes.

As our adversary’s custom is to go about continually seeking whom he may devour (I Peter v 8), so there is nothing he more desires than that you abandon this humility and simplicity, and particularly that you attribute something to yourself, to your own industry or diligence, or pass at least some little censure on others, as believing that you are more sedulous and dispose yourself better for receiving the gifts of God, and consequently in your own thoughts undervaluing some others; for the least of these things would give him a passage into your soul, there being no other door he more desires to enter by than that of self-esteem. And if you are not extremely vigilant, and with all speed return to confound, destroy, and annihilate yourself, as hath been said, he will cause you to fall into pride with the Pharisee in the Gospel, who gloried in his own virtues, and took upon him to pass sentence on the vices of others. If by this stratagem he get possession of your soul, he will presently master it, and lodge whole proofs of wickedness therein, to your exceeding damage and the manifest danger of your total ruin. For this cause our great Lord and Captain commands us to watch and pray, and this you are to do with continual wariness, that the enemy get no opportunity to divest and rob you of your chiefest treasure – that is, Peace of Soul. There is nothing he uses more subtlety and pains about than to deprive you of this peace; for if once the soul live discomposed and disquieted, he well knows that all destruction is at hand. A peaceful soul does all things with facility, exactness, and perseverance, and easily resists all impediments. A troubled soul does nothing as it ought; the little it endeavors is with much imperfection, whereof it soon grows weary, and, in fine, suffers a long but fruitless martyrdom. If, therefore, you aspire to victory, and to secure what you have conquered against so malign and indefatigable an enemy, be sure you admit into your soul no molestation, even for one single moment, upon what pretence or subject whatsoever. And, that you may the better discover his arts in this case, take the general and constant rule: That every thought which withdraws or diminishes your love or confidence in God is a messenger of hell, and as such ought to be repulsed and cast forth. The office of the Holy Ghost is to draw souls every moment to God, inflaming them with his love, and begetting new confidence. The devil’s task is always opposite, and to his end he serves himself of all means possible, suggesting fears, aggravating above measure our daily frailties, making us believe our soul hath not disposed itself as it ought, either for confession, communion, or prayer, and consequently he renders it distrustful, timorous, and disconsolate. The want of just or sensible devotion in prayer and other pious exercises he causes to be received with impatience, giving the soul to understand that without it all is lost, and that the said work had better be left alone. At last he brings us to so high a diffidence and distraction that we conclude that all we do, or have done, is in vain, or rather pernicious, whence our fear and agony increase to that degree that we almost deem ourselves abandoned by God; whereas, in truth, if fares with us quite contrariwise; for innumerable are the advantages which spring from aridities and want of devotion if the soul be but aware of the gracious design of God therein, keeping herself on her part close to humility, patience, and perseverance. For, as Saint Gregory instructs us, Prayer made with faith and confidence is very acceptable to God, though the soul find itself dry and without gust therein. If it persevere with firm loyalty, let its distraction and bitterness be what it will, so that it even imagines it cannot think one good thought, yet that prayer is not lost or of no effect; for this very tribulation, quietly and with resignation undergone, solicits and intercedes for us in the sight of God, and this bitterness is pleasing to him, and (if we may believe Saint Gregory) even more efficaciously than any other exercise prevails with, and, as we may say, compels Almighty God to be propitious to us. Whence we infer that aridity and disquiet of mind ought never to make us desist from any good work, for that would be both to gratify the devil in what he most covets, and to deprive ourselves of a singular advantage. And that you may the better comprehend this, and not receive hurt from want of advice, where you otherwise might reap much fruit, I will here briefly recite the benefits arising from an humble perseverance in these dry and bitter exercises that the Peace of your Soul may not be impaired by them.

CHAPTER XII

That inward temptations ought not to disquiet the soul

Infinite are the advantages which these spiritual bitternesses and aridities bring to the soul, if received with humility and patience, which could it but imagine it would not be so concerned and troubled at them. And indeed it were enough satisfaction for a soul, even if there were no other, to know that God, for the most part, sends them, not as subjects of sadness and dejection, but most assuredly as quite the contrary; so that we are not to take them as marks of God’s displeasure or hatred and aversion to us, but embrace them as most kind tokens of his favour towards us. And this we shall clearly perceive if we reflect that they happen not but to such as desire to signalise themselves in the service of God and the abandonment of all that may displease him. When did we ever hear notorious sinners and those who fix their rest in this world complain of the like temptations? This should convince us that they are a banquet prepared by God for his best beloved ones, and though unsavory, yet more wholesome than we are aware of, let their appearance be never so loathsome and frightful, yea, to that degree that the very imagining them scandalizes, confounds, and even overwhelms us. Nay, the more horrid and filthy the temptation is, the more it affrights, afflicts, and humbles us, and consequently the more advances the design of God, though the soul perceive it not, and therefore abhors it and seeks another way to walk in, because it would always be caressed and regaled, and esteems all else lost time and pains without profit.

CHAPTER XIII

How God sends these temptations for our good.

We are all naturally proud, ambitious, lovers of our own ways and sentiments, and ever reputing ourselves to be more than we are. This self-esteem is so prejudicial and opposite to true spiritual progress, that the very savor or contagious scent thereof, at what distance soever, is enough to blast all hope of perfection. This is the reason why our good God is so anxious to put us in conditions wherein we may avoid the danger, and, as it were, perforce arrive at true knowledge of ourselves. Thus he dealt with his Apostle Saint Peter, permitting that he should deny him, and to the end he might know himself, and by thus knowing confide no longer in his own strength. Thus he gave to the other great Apostle, Saint Paul, that vexatious temptation of the flesh, that, acknowledging his natural infirmity, he might humble himself and, as the said Apostle expresses it, not be extolled by the multitude of revelations and heavenly favors he had received. And in like manner the divine goodness, compassionating our miseries and perverse inclinations, suffers many foul and abominable temptations to befall us, that we may become humble and sensible of our own nothingness, though at present we perceive not the advantage. For the goodness and wisdom of God never appear more manifest than by converting to our advantage that which seems to us most detrimental by procuring us true humility, which is that of which we have the greatest need. And so it ordinarily falls out that he who finds in himself such wretched thoughts, such indevotions, such spiritual barrenness and drought, imputes all to the excess of his own imperfectness, and concludes that he whose soul is encumbered and serves God with so much distraction and lukewarmness can of himself do nothing, it seeming to him that none but abandoned people and the scum of the world can furnish and entertain such thoughts as he experiences. Whence he who formerly thought himself somebody, by virtue of this medicine sent him from above, begins now to esteem himself the vilest creature in the world, and altogether unworthy the name of Christian; and this profound humility he would never have attained if those dreadful temptations and extraordinary tribulations had not in a manner compelled him thereto. Oh, what a wonderful favour of God is this towards souls whom he knows to stand in need of such cures! But besides this there are many other advantages which accrue to the soul from such temptations and want of devotion; for he who labors under this affliction is, as it were, constrained to have recourse to God and pursue virtue as the only remedy of this evil, and, to avoid this martyrdom, gladly quits all occasion of sin and all appearance of imperfections; so that the tribulation which at first seemed to be so pernicious to him is now become a spur to prick him forward, to run with more fervor in the ways of God, and fly more swiftly from whatsoever is displeasing to him. Finally, the pains and toils a soul by these sterilities endures is an amorous purgatory, and if suffered with patience and humility as hath been inculcated, they become a matter of great reward, earning a glorious crown in heaven. All this have I deduced at large, that it may be understood how little reason we have to grieve and disturb ourselves at these indevotions and spiritual tepidities and to sacrifice to them our internal peace, as inexperienced persons are wont to do who attribute to the devil or their own sins that which the hand of God hath sent, and take the marks of this love for marks of hatred, and his divine favors and caresses for arguments of his forgetfulness or aversion to them, and go on in these dispositions, thinking all is fruitless and lost which they have done, and their perdition inevitable; whereas in truth nothing at all is lost, but all proceeds from the great goodness and mindfulness of God toward us. If they could be brought thoroughly to believe this, they would not disturb themselves nor forfeit the peace and serenity of their minds for any tribulation or imagination, or want of devotion in prayer, or other holy exercises whatsoever; but on the contrary, with new courage and perseverance, they would humble their souls before God, purposing by every means and under all circumstances to fulfill the divine will, be it in what manner soever he sees good to exercise them; and preserving themselves in perfect rest and tranquility, as they do who accept whatever happens as from the hand of a most indulgent Father; and, instead of repining or feeling any bitterness of heart, they would render him every moment new, fervent, and most affectionate thanks; and persevere thus doing, until it becomes easy to them to perform it without the least loss of time or diminution of internal peace of mind.

CHAPTER XIV

What remedy the soul is to use that she may not be disquieted by her failings and imperfections.

If at any time your weakness precipitates you into a neglect of what you ought to do, or into want of caution in what you say, into passion upon some accident, into detraction, or, at least, into consent to hear others detract, into immoderate laughter, curiosity, or suspicion, or any failing whatsoever, be it once or oftener or frequently the same fault, and that after most formal and solemn purposes to be watchful and fall not more – yet let nothing of all this trouble or discomfort you, or make you reflect upon what is past with anxiety, or procure new motives of grief to reproach and confound yourself with, as concluding you shall never gain ground in your endeavors to amend; that you take not the right way to it, for if you did you would never fall so often as you do daily, and for the most part find yourself most weak and inconstant where you make strongest resolutions, and the like. All this begets sadness and dejections of mind, oppressing the soul with a thousand terrors, sometimes, as it hath been said, making it despair of attaining any higher degree of perfection, and at other times putting down its own imperfection and weak determination as the causes. Sometimes it will seem to you that you undertook to serve God only in jest, and consequently you will be ashamed to have recourse him any more, or appear in his presence as having been disloyal. And hence it comes to pass that these scrupulous persons cast away much time in thinking and speculation with themselves how long the distraction lasted; of what nature or how enormous the crime was; if it were a full consent, willfully procured or entertained; in they had any desire to be quit of it or no; if at last they rejected it, or would have continued longer in it ; and the more they think on it, the less they comprehend and the sadder they grow. Then comes a disturbance and confusion when they set about to prepare for confession. After much time lost in examination, they approach at last with fear, and having confessed, find themselves not one whit more at ease, it seeming to them that have not told all, or, at least, not fully explained every circumstance. Thus they drag on an unhappy, irksome, and unquiet life, ceasing to advance, and losing great part of their merit, simply from want of knowing their own natural infirmity and the way they should treat with God, with whom, having incurred all the miseries above recited, and as many more as you please, one amorous conversion prevails and gains more than all the sadness, reflection, and examination imaginable about the fault or guilt, especially in vain and ordinary sins. And if any extraordinary disorder happens, it is enough to take the advice of some learned persons, or one’s ghostly father. Nay, I will be bold to go further, and affirm that this amorous conversion and confidence in God hath not only place in venial and daily sins, but also in great ones, if God permit us at any time to fall therein; yea, though it were frequently, and that not of frailty, but malice, since contrition and affliction alone with a troubled and scrupulous heart can never raise a soul to perfection if it be not assisted with this loving confidence and confiding love in the goodness and mercy of God. And the necessity of this is much greater in those who aim not only to escape the miserable state of sin, but to arrive at virtue and perfect union with God; and this many cannot comprehend, having their spirits so dejected and comfortless as hardly to be able to think a good thought, leading a life worthy of much pity and compassion because, following their own imagination, they bid adieu to this true and wholesome doctrine.

CHAPTER XV

How the soul must quiet herself at every turn without losing time or profit.

Take, then, this rule and method in all the falls you shall make, be they great or little; yea, though ten thousand times in the same day you shall have incurred the same crime, and that not occasionally, but voluntarily and deliberately; observe, I say, inviolably this prescription: That as soon as ever you find yourself in fault, you trouble not nor disquiet yourself, but instantly, as soon as you are aware what you have done, with humility and confidence, beholding your own frailty, cast an amorous glance on God, and fixing there your love, say with heart and mouth,

"Lord, I have done that which is like what I am, nor can anything else be expected at my hands but these and the like transgressions; nor had I stopped here, but plunged myself further into all wickedness, if thy goodness had permitted it, and left me wholly to myself. I give thee infinite thanks that thou didst not thus leave me, and for what I have done I am sorry. Pardon me for thy own sake, and for what thou art, and give me grace to offend thee no more, but admit me again to the favour of thy friendship."

Having done this, lose neither time nor quiet of mind, imagining that perhaps God hath not pardoned you, and the like, but with full repose proceed with your exercise as though you had committed no fault; and this, as I have said, not once, but a hundred times, and, if there were need, every moment, with as much confidence and tranquility the last time as the first. For, beside the particular service of God herein, a thousand other advantages are gained by it; time is not lost in futile excuses, further progress is not obstructed, but, on the contrary, sin is subdued and mastered with much profit and perfection. This I would gladly inculcate upon, and persuade scrupulous and disquieted souls of; then they would soon see how different a state of tranquility they would find themselves in, and pity the blindness of those who, so much to their cost, go on still losing so much precious time. Note this well, for it is the key to all true spiritual progress, and the shortest means to attain to it.

Other necessary directions of this exercise are here wanting, which I have not leisure for at present; they may perhaps follow when you have made use and profit of these. Read these leisurely, and with desire and hopes of fruit; God of his mercy will give more than we poor men can think of or understand.

You must conceive that this is written for such as aim at particular perfection, and are not in a state of mortal sin. For this medicine will not work upon those who offend God negligently every moment, and pas their lives in all wickedness; for such as these must rather use affliction and frequent bewailing and confession of their sins, that so they deprive not themselves of remedy by their faults and carelessness.