Twenty-seventh Sunday in Ordinary Time

Lectionary: 140

R. Alleluia, alleluia.
If we love one another, God remains in us
and his love is brought to perfection in us.
R. Alleluia, alleluia.

The Church invites us today, once again, to ponder the Sacrament of Marriage, especially its indissolubility. In Saint Mark's Gospel the disciples are so astonished by Jesus' refusal to recognize divorce that they pursue the question in private. Refusing to equivocate or apologize, he hammers home his point:

"Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her; and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery."

"But what if," our contemporaries might ask, "most marriages don't last until death? What if lifelong marital fidelity is more the exception than the rule? What if life expectancy changes drastically and people ordinarily live to be eighty and ninety years of age, and both spouses lose their fascination and affection for one another? The ancients never expected a marriage to last more than twenty-five or thirty years; forty was considered old until recently! Doesn't one have a right to search for someone else to satisfy that human need for companionship, affection and intimacy if the other no longer provides it? 

Recently a fellow told me how his second wife had betrayed him. He wondered if he should invite her to come back home, and he asked my opinion. I was flummoxed and I had to remind him, "I am a Catholic priest and my Church -- the church you once claimed as your own -- says you're still married to your first wife." 

"So I should live the rest of my life in limbo?" he asked.

He is a nice fellow, I liked him; one of those men the President might describe as "a good guy." -- meaning we should not look to closely at their attitudes or behavior. God loves them, doesn't he?

Another gentleman said he hoped his wife might let him return when he sobered up. But, if she didn't, he'd move on. It didn't seem to be the end of the world for him. He still has his pensions.  

These fellows assume that marriage should satisfy one's needs. 

But even pet experts will tell you that you're on the wrong track if you expect a pet, a friend, a child or a spouse to satisfy your needs. If you only want your needs met in a relationship go to Walmart and buy a teddy bear. 

The Bridegroom of the Church has defined the role of the spouse, "I did not come to be served but to serve." Certainly there is "give and take" in every relationship, but in a free society where people are expected to choose a spouse, one surely searches for someone to admire, esteem and assist in every way possible. Someone to whom one can give lifelong devotion.

Narcissists need not apply.  

I frankly cannot imagine a way out of this impasse. Divorce is so common. Millions of children are trained from early childhood by their estranged parents to expect violent abuse, betrayal and abandonment. Very few children watch their parents work out "their salvation through suffering." 

If it were not for the wedding industry, with its lavish dresses, opulent extravagance and fairy tale promise of happy-ever-after in an ice crystal palace not many would marry. Before it became "legal," I asked one woman why her gay daughter wanted to "marry" her "best friend" and she flatly explained, "...for the wedding. It's every girl's dream." 

"Oh, of course." I said. 

However, if I frankly cannot imagine a way out of this impasse, I believe Jesus' teaching about the Church applies to marriage also. Both institutions are founded on the Word of God. Both display God's unassailable love: 

And so I say to you, you are Peter, and upon this rock I will build my church, and the gates of the netherworld shall not prevail against it.

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Someone apparently made a terrible mistake on my birth certificate. It says I was born on this day in 1948. I cannot possibly be that old.