But when he, who from my mother’s womb had set me apart
and called me through his grace,
was pleased to reveal his Son to me,
so that I might proclaim him to the Gentiles,
I did not immediately consult flesh and blood,
nor did I go up to Jerusalem
to those who were Apostles before me;
rather, I went into Arabia and then returned to Damascus.
Saint Paul provides the Church with a template for the conversion that everyone must undergo. Although he had been, by his own admission, an extremely devout Pharisee who never intentionally sinned against the LORD of his Jewish people, he found himself accused and guilty of a horrific crime. He was personally attacking Jesus!
Until that moment on the road to Damascus, he was convinced of his righteousness in God's sight, and the importance of his violent assault on followers of the Way. He might have cited the violence of King David and the Maccabean brothers as his forebears in the worthy cause. They too had fought against diabolical enemies to protect their ancestral faith. The Pharisee might have supported an ordinary reform movement among Jews; they were and remain common, a dime a dozen! But the worship of a mortal man was simply unacceptable!
Until the day, the Lord Jesus accosted him. He knew immediately that he must bow and worship before the Nazarene, and do whatever he was told. Even if it was no more than get up and go into the city where he would be told what to do.
Few people think of themselves or their behavior as evil. (And those who do are probably caught up in a parody religion that thinks its being original.) Most people have more than a few reasons for their decisions and actions, and are more than ready to explain them to anyone who doubts their virtue. Saint Paul's story reminds us that anyone can be seriously wrong about themselves, their motivations, decisions, and actions.
History's worse crimes were committed by people who believed they were serving a good cause. Those causes might include the State, Nation, Government, and Der Führer. They resent anyone who doubts their sincerity and righteousness; and may suspect disagreement as the voice of evil itself. I think of those unfortunate Americans sucked into service of ICE, and drawn continually deeper into irrational, arbitrary violence against their fellows.
And if they're not staggered by a revelation, we can only hope they might listen to our pleading.
In the meanwhile, every Christian must hear the call to repentance, which begins with an openness to God's rebukes and reproaches. If, in preparing for the Sacrament of Reconciliation, we just repeat the same old habitual sins, we may have effectively muted the Voice of God.
"We have sinned; we and our ancestors have sinned." Saint Paul heard the Word and realized his service of God was precisely what did not serve God at all.
