Saturday of the Thirtieth Week in Ordinary Time

My sister, her daughter
& a friend.

I do not know which I shall choose.
I am caught between the two.
I long to depart this life and be with Christ,
for that is far better.
Yet that I remain in the flesh is more necessary for your benefit.

Cresting the hump of sixty years, ministering to younger Veterans who are dying of old age, hearing of the death of former classmates and friends, confronted with the challenge of writing an “advance directive” --  I do not know which I shall choose.

I am a pretty healthy fellow. I don’t mind thinking about death in the abstract. It’s a wonderful topic for theological reflection. But contemplating the possibility of unforeseen transplants – heart, liver, lung or limb – and decisions about intubation, cardio-pulmonary resuscitation, colostomy, tube feeding – blessings I see given to younger men than me – give me pause. What would I choose if it comes to that?

Saint Paul considered his options as he waited out his incarceration in another city jail. (He doesn’t tell us which.) Eventually he would be released but he didn’t know that when he wrote this letter. Given the violent death of Saint Stephen – which he witnessed – and several Christians of his acquaintance; and given the violence he had already suffered he half-expected martyrdom. But as an inveterate traveler he might also expect shipwreck, accidents, hypothermia, heat exhaustion, starvation or murder on the highway. It didn’t much matter to him.

My sister Cathy and brother David
with bubbles

Saint Paul had surrendered his life to Jesus and would follow the Lamb wherever he went. In our own day, given our duties of freedom and individual choice, we must anticipate and make decisions about our approaching death. Filling out these forms we should breathe the Spirit of Saint Paul,

My eager expectation and hope
is that I shall not be put to shame in any way,
but that with all boldness, now as always,
Christ will be magnified in my body,
whether by life or by death.