Thursday of the Second Week of Lent

Lectionary: 233

More tortuous than all else is the human heart,
beyond remedy; who can understand it?
I, the LORD, alone probe the mind
and test the heart,
To reward everyone according to his ways,
according to the merit of his deeds.

"Why did I do that? Why did I say that? What was I thinking?" we ask ourselves. Or we're challenged by someone else, "What were you thinking?" And we have no answer. 

Stupid does not answer the question. I'm not stupid. It wasn't that. It was greed, lust, fear, sloth.... It was uglier than stupid. Envy, jealousy, anger, gluttony, pride.... The list goes on and is seemingly endless. Who can understand the human heart? As Jeremiah says, " More tortuous than all else is the human heart, beyond remedy...."

If we're blessed we turn to the Lord and ask him to show it to us. Lord, what was I thinking? What did I expect? 

Knowledge of God comes through revelation; we would have only vague ideas of God without his speaking to us. We actually know God through his coming to us and walking with us. We know God by his mercy. That much is revealed to his elect. 

But how do we know ourselves? Given the bias of what I want to believe about myself, and the needs, suppositions, and surmises of others who tell me who I am -- I am at sea. I need the Lord to speak to my heart and tell me why I did that, and who I am in his sight.

It's not pretty. It might be as mild as foolish; but it's probably worse. Self-knowledge comes as a mercy, and with a gentle sound.

The Lord is compassionate and gracious,

    slow to anger, abounding in love.

He will not always accuse,

    nor will he harbor his anger forever;

He does not treat us as our sins deserve

    or repay us according to our iniquities. Psalm 103 (NIV)