Thursday of the Twenty-second Week in Ordinary Time

Lectionary: 434

When Simon Peter saw this, he fell at the knees of Jesus and said, "Depart from me, Lord, for I am a sinful man."

For astonishment at the catch of fish they had made seized him and all those with him, and likewise James and John, the sons of Zebedee,

who were partners of Simon.

Rereading Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel's Man is Not Alone, I came across this passage:

A philosophy that begins with radical doubt ends in radical despair. It was the principle of dubito ut intelligam that prepared the soil for modern gospels of despair. "Philosophy begins in wonder" (Plato) in a state of mind which we should like to call thaumatism, as distinguished from skepticism.

Rabbi Heschel plays with phrases familiar to philosophers. Dubito ut intelligam refers to Saint Augustine's "Credo ut intelligam," meaning, "I believed in order that I might understand." 

But "dubito" means "I doubted." 

"I doubted so that I might understand?" 

Can doubting one's knowledge or ability to know lead to understanding? Or only more confusion? Rene Descartes chose that path, doubting even his own existence until he concluded, "I think! Therefore I am!"

Heschel prefers, "I wonder, therefore I am!"

"Radical amazement has a wider scope than any other act of man. While any act of perception or cognition has as it object a selected segment of reality, radical amazement refers to all reality; not only to what we see but also to the very act of seeing, to the selves that see, and are amazed at the ability to see."

Quod vadis?

In today's Gospel, Saint Peter begins an entirely new way of life with radical amazement. The fisherman thought he knew something about fishing until the Lord stepped into his boat. No doubt, he also had strong ideas and fixed opinions about himself, people and the world around him. It was all turned topsy-turvy by the great catch of fish; but even then, he jumped to the wrong conclusion: "Go away from me, Lord! For I am a sinful man."

That was precisely what the Lord would not do.

Peter rashly spoke about himself, as we often do when we realize we are the presence of the Holy. He saw himself through his own eyes and pronounced judgement, a harsh and negative sentence. "I am a sinful man!" 

Were he to follow through this statement, he would be left in isolation from God, others, and himself. He would have no place in the world.

But following Jesus, a new appreciation of himself would not come immediately. He must journey with Jesus, be rebuked for his impetuosity, be humiliated for his cowardice, and be anointed as the spokesman of the apostles before he would realize his standing before God.

But there is no end of wonder. 

An ancient legend says that Saint Peter was fleeing Rome during an anti-Christian persecution when he again met Jesus on the road, again carrying his cross. He asked the Lord, "Quod vadis?" ("Where are you going?")

The Lord replied he was going to Rome to die. In grateful amazement, the Fisherman returned to Rome and died with his Savior.