Twenty-third Sunday in Ordinary Time

 Lectionary: 127

If your brother sins against you,
go and tell him his fault between you and him alone.
If he listens to you, you have won over your brother.

“Am I my brother’s keeper?” the murderer sneered when the LORD asked, “Where is your brother Abel?” 

But the question remains and challenges American Catholics in a highly individualistic society. Should I worry that my neighbors, colleagues, and old friends are destroying themselves? I don’t need these people. Here in the city there are thousands of people I might call friends. There are hundreds of associations, clubs, companies, societies, and churches I can join. With social media I can choose as many friends as I want, from all over the world. And when I'm disappointed with anyone I can ignore them. I can ghost and unfriend them, accepting neither calls, texts, tweets, nor emails from them. Should I see them in the street I can take another street. 

If they are damned by their stupid, wicked behavior, what’s that to me? If they disagree with my opinions, beliefs, and ideas there are a million people who agree with me. I have hundreds of TV channels, web sites, trend setters and influencers to choose from. I know which ones are right, true, and honest. 

And I know which ones are evil; they belong to Satan; they are traitors and haters. I don’t need to hear their opinions. I don’t have time for disagreement, or differences of opinion;  much less disagreeability. 

Am I my brother’s keeper; am I responsible for my sister’s decisions? I don’t think so. 

The Gospel challenges us, 

“Love your enemies, pray for those who persecute you.” If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone.”

Today’s gospel describes a protocol for reconciling a troublesome member of the church. First, I should approach them privately, with assurance of respect and affection. Our conversation is just between us. Should that fail and the immoral behaviors continue, I should approach them with two or three mutual friends, and show them that my concern is our concern. It’s called intervention. I’ve been on both sides of that conversation; it’s neither pleasant nor easy but it is good, a holy thing to do. 

Should the intervention fail and the destructive behaviors continue, the whole community might be engaged. I’ve not heard of an entire Catholic church challenging any individual, but some Protestant pastors in small, rural churches have tried it. The Catholic Church invests its bishops with the authority to confront and challenge people, and sometimes to publicly excommunicate them. 

But, more to the point, the Gospel invites us to develop the willingness, the courage, and the skills to engage in difficult conversations. No one should spend their whole life in a timid, anxious, cowardly search for agreeable people. We don’t need to go about sniffing one another like dogs, trying to detect whether they’re republican or democrat, pro-Pope Francis or anti-Pope Francis, catholic or protestant, liberal or conservative, Louisville cardinals or Kentucky wildcats. 

The church especially is the place where disagreements dwell in peace, where we can admire one another’s integrity, honesty, and courage. We are united by our faith in Jesus Christ and the prayers and sacraments of our church. Love teaches us to find our agreement first.

Love also teaches us “a particular set of skills” – to use Liam Neeson’s phrase – which heal, reconcile, atone, and make peace; rather than Mr. Neeson’s talent for havoc, harm, and death. Many people learn these skills at home, when they are children. My Dad the Marine encouraged us to, “Stick to your guns” when we disagreed with one another. 

Marriage Encounter, the weekend program for married couples who would bless their marriage with deeper love, teaches rules for fighting including: 

• No degrading language: No name-calling, insults, put-downs, or swearing. 
• Don’t change the subject. Don’t avoid the problem. 
• Don’t cry; don’t walk out. 
• And so forth. 

Couples and families who learn those skills are better able to contribute to church, society, and political discourse. They’re on line; look them up! 

Our faith in Jesus Christ empowers our willingness to keep our brothers and sisters, because the Lord views each one of us as a keeper. Faith tells us repeatedly that we have sinned, we and our ancestors and our church and our nation have sinned; but we are loved nonetheless and can work out our differences. Because God demands it of us.