It is good to pause right there and ask, “What vision, audition, perception have I had of God? When have I met God face to face? How has that mystical experience affected my understanding of myself, my vocation and the message I bring to others.
- Moses saw a burning bush and heard an untranslatable name which suggests, “I am who am” or “I will always be with you.” Understanding God as a constant fiery presence he returned to Egypt to lead the Hebrews out of slavery.
- Jesus heard the Father's word to him as he was baptized, "You are my beloved Son. On you my favor rests." From that moment everything he said and did showed his loyal, loving obedience to his Abba.
- Saint Paul heard Jesus complain, “Why do you persecute me?” and came to understand the Church is the body of Christ.
- Saint Francis heard his vocation described during the Mass and, because of that, always had an enormous dedication to the Eucharist.
If you cultivate it, your personal experience of God shapes your identity, vocation and message.
Several years ago I was alone in Louisiana. Did I say alone? Let’s call it lonesome, lost, deserted, forlorn, and abandoned. As I prayed in misery one day I began to complain: “This was all your idea! I didn’t want to be alone. I didn’t want to be a priest in the first place. I didn’t dream of growing up to have several nervous breakdowns and suffer recurrent depression!” and so forth. You get the idea.
That went on for some time until I heard a very direct and simple remark, “I have no regrets.”
“Oh,” I said, “well in that case, forget everything I just said.”
Why should I regret anything if God has no regrets about me? “It is what it is!” And I can say with conviction to people I meet, especially the veterans in the hospital, “God has never regretted your being. Regardless of what you have done or what was done to you, God has no regrets about your life. You are beautiful in his sight.”
Your own experience may have been full of dramatic fireworks, or it might be the simple pleasure you find in singing hymns, reading scripture or visiting the sick. It may have been the “bottom” of alcoholism or the surrender of despair when you finally recognized the face of Jesus in your own haggard appearance. It may have been a painful experience of injustice or a loved one’s sickness that drove you into justice work or the health care profession. Reflecting on your mystical experience as the Prophet Isaiah did, is where spiritual life begins, and where it finds constant nourishment.
Saturday's gospel from Matthew says, "What I say to you in the darkness, speak in the light." I love that scripture; it has helped pull me out of deep depression. In 1989 my 4 year old nephew was killed. It was a turning point for me. My faith in God stayed, but my sense of hope just drained out. That's odd I know. My deepest descent was the thought of God not caring or totally rejecting me. In that darkness, of course now I can say, God lifted me up and carried me to safety.
ReplyDeleteI would never have put that experience with Isaiah's reading today. But I can imagine that life wasn't a box of chocolates for Isaiah either. And yes it is good to reflect on how one's experiences shape your understanding of God.